Ready for a baby?

Ready for a baby?

This article was just published in the Chicago Tribune.

It's worth reading.

Redefining Motherhood!

Motherhood is a role that is constantly being re-defined; it is not a fixed role. As economies change, as sexism and classism gets addressed, as women’s oppression is recognized and lifted, as women feel more empowered to decide what is best for them, motherhood changes. The role continues to change with each new generation.

What would have to change in your definition of motherhood in order for you to choose it? What would have to change in order for you to choose a childfree life? If you could think outside of the box (to which you are familiar) and you could redefine motherhood, how would you want motherhood defined today? Take some time and answer this question for yourself. You may want to begin a personal journal of self-discovery and write about this question. Or you may just prefer to notice the feelings that surface with the question itself.

Your new definition of motherhood may be very different from what you witnessed growing up. It may be different from what you see today. How do you think your mother would have defined motherhood from what you experienced when you were a child? If you were the definer of motherhood how would you define it or what would it look like to you?

Your Desire vs. Your Decision!

Desire vs. Decision

Do you want to be a parent or have a kid and don’t know the answer to that question?

You are not alone!

Women often cannot answer this question because they are trying to figure out their desire and their decision at the same time.

You cannot figure out both at the same time.

What is your desire? What is your decision?

These are two very different questions and you may be surprised to know how many people do not think of them as two different questions. The other surprise is that often the answers to each question are different. When women try to figure them out at the same time it is impossible and creates an endless indecision loop in one’s mind.

First you have to know your desire and understand where it comes from and what it is truly about for you. You get to feel your desire no matter what anyone else says. You are the only one who can know your true desire. No one can take that from you and know one can know it better than you.

Your conscious decision comes after that.

Some times we need to slow down (the decision) in order to catch up to knowing what we want.

How this may look is as follows; A woman may realize that her true desire in her heart and mind and body is that she wants to be a mom. After further exploration she may realize she wants to be a mom but she doesn’t think it’s the best decision for herself. She may realize it’s not what she wants to do now. It is what she wanted to do years ago. Realizing that truth can be huge. When we stop to really explore what is going on inside of us one discovery may be, I wanted to have been a mom years ago but I didn’t take the time to look at my desire then and now it’s not what I want in my life. So, then one is left with reconciling the desire with the decision. There is still a desire in there to be a mom. The decision now, is No.

That is how there can be two different answers.

A woman may realize it is not her true calling or that she doesn’t really want to be a mom but for x, y or z reasons she is going to be a mom and be the best mom she can be. In this case you have a NO desire and a YES decision.

Still in our society women may discover their desire is NO and don’t feel they have permission to make a NO decision. This can play out by a woman not making a decision and letting time decide for her. The down side to this is it takes up emotional and mental energy not to make that decision which can take away from a woman’s thriving life. Another scenario is a woman knows deep down it is not her calling in life and does not feel she is allowed to say No to having children and goes ahead and becomes a mom. Even if she is a good enough mom to a young person she suffers in silence because being a mom is not what she truly wanted. Of course there are women who go ahead and become moms whose desire was more toward a No and end up loving it. That is wonderful when that can happen. However, it is important for women to have permission to be true to themselves.

Knowing what we truly want comes first. The decision follows after. One needs to gain clarity about her desire before she can make a decision. This would be ideal.

If you find you are not able to do this on your own or with help that you seek out please give me a call to see if my 12-week program can help you.

Groups for 2012

The next Support Group for women will begin in January 2012.

The next Support Group for men will begin in February 2012.

If you cannot make the Support Group,

which takes place in Oakland, CA USA,

Please call me to discuss other options.

(510) 595-4629 or

E-mail me: AnnDavidman@MotherhoodIsItForMe.com

Indecision is more complex

than what appears on the surface.

Only you can know what's true

for you......I'll help you get there.